♈ Aries (March 21 – April 19):
You're one eye roll away from body slamming Karen in the break room, but take a deep breath. Channel that fire into dominating your to-do list instead—she’ll be stunned into silence by your productivity glow.
♉ Taurus (April 20 – May 20):
You’re not about the drama—you just want your coffee, your peace, and your playlist. Throw on those noise-canceling headphones and mentally clock out until Thursday.
♊ Gemini (May 21 – June 20):
You already crafted a sarcastic comeback and a fake nice version in your head. Go with the fake nice one today—save the spicy clapback for tomorrow when it’ll land harder.
♋ Cancer (June 21 – July 22):
You’re trying to protect your peace, but they’re testing you like it’s an emotional pop quiz. Keep your headphones in, your empathy on low, and maybe cry later in the car.
♌ Leo (July 23 – August 22):
You could outshine them effortlessly, but you’re being the bigger person... for now. Walk into that office like it’s a runway, and blind them with your main character energy.
♍ Virgo (August 23 – September 22):
You already drafted a 5-step plan on how to correct their entire existence. But instead of fixing them, fix yourself a snack and focus on your excellence.
♎ Libra (September 23 – October 22):
You’re torn between being polite and telling them to shut up with love. Smile, nod, and then retreat to the bathroom for a 7-minute TikTok scroll therapy session.
♏ Scorpio (October 23 – November 21):
You know all their secrets because you’re observant and petty. Keep that mental file thick and stay mysterious—they’ll never know what hit them... or when.
♐ Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21):
You’re already planning an escape route to Bali just to avoid this coworker’s small talk. Channel that wanderlust into a fake vacation countdown and mentally dip out.
♑ Capricorn (December 22 – January 19):
You came here to work, not babysit an adult with zero self-awareness. Power through, climb that corporate mountain, and let their chaos slide right off your structured vibe.
♒ Aquarius (January 20 – February 18):
You’ve already detached emotionally, spiritually, and possibly legally. Keep it quirky, keep it weird, and let your aloofness protect you like an energy forcefield.
♓ Pisces (February 19 – March 20):
You want to believe they’re just misunderstood… but no, they’re just annoying. Daydream your way through it and treat yourself to an oat milk latte as emotional compensation.