Aries (March 21 – April 19)
Sending passive-aggressive "Per my last email" responses within 30 seconds of receiving a message, purely because you're treating your inbox like a cage match.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
Logging onto Slack at 8:59 AM, setting your status to "Active," and immediately going back to sleep or scrolling TikTok for the next two hours.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
Starting full-blown workplace rumors in the private group chat while simultaneously acting like the boss's star employee on the main Zoom call.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
Taking a totally standard, constructive critique on a spreadsheet as a direct, personal assault on your character and sulking in the breakroom all afternoon.
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
Doing 10% of the actual work on a group project, but stepping up to deliver 100% of the presentation so you get all the credit and applause.
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
Quietly redoing a coworker's entire assignment from scratch without telling them, just so you can secretly feel superior while complaining that you "do everything."
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
Aggressively nodding along and agreeing with two managers who have completely opposite opinions, just to avoid taking a side or making an enemy.
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
Keeping a mental dossier of every mistake your team makes so you can drop it like a bomb the next time someone tries to challenge you in a meeting.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
Confidently promising a client a massive deadline for Friday when you haven't even opened the document and have zero intention of starting it until Thursday night.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
Refusing to delegate a single task, working through your lunch break, and then rolling your eyes at everyone else for having a normal work-life balance.
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
Muting your microphone on the team call so you can audibly laugh at how basic everyone's ideas are, while offering zero solutions of your own.
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
Nodding thoughtfully through an entire 30-minute instruction session while mentally planning your vacation, then asking "Wait, what are we doing?" the second it ends.