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Payton's Predictions: Halloween Costume

♈ ARIES (March 21 – April 19): GORY MONSTER

Aries, you're not trying to be sexy. You're trying to TRAUMATIZE somebody. Fake blood, guts, the whole thing. You're the reason haunted houses need liability waivers.

♉ TAURUS (April 20 – May 20): ROYALTY

Taurus, you need to dress like somebody who's never checked their bank account. Think Beyoncé or an actual queen. If your costume doesn't scream generational wealth, take it OFF.

♊ GEMINI (May 21 – June 20): WORK OF ART

Gemini, you need a costume that requires an explanation. A famous painting, a niche pop culture reference, something nobody understands. Honestly, you just love having an excuse to talk about yourself.

♋ CANCER (June 21 – July 22): THROWBACK TV CHARACTER

Cancer, you're giving Lizzie McGuire or Hannah Montana. Something nostalgic from when your biggest problem was homework. Bonus points if you're home by 9.

♌ LEO (July 23 – August 22): FAMOUS ICON

Leo, Halloween is basically your second birthday. Beyoncé, Britney, Rihanna, somebody ICONIC. And if nobody recognizes your costume immediately, you're going to take it personally.

♍ VIRGO (August 23 – September 22): BOOK CHARACTER

Virgo, you're dressing as somebody from a book nobody's read. Sherlock Holmes, some obscure villain, whatever. You've researched every detail, and you're annoyed nobody appreciates the accuracy.

♎ LIBRA (September 23 – October 22): FASHION ICON

Libra, you're not wearing a costume. You're wearing a LOOK. Think supermodel or Anna Wintour. Halloween is basically Fashion Week with alcohol.

♏ SCORPIO (October 23 – November 21): WITCH

Scorpio, you're not dressing UP as a witch. You're just dressing like yourself. Black lace, dark makeup, and an attitude that makes people believe you actually know how to cast spells.

♐ SAGITTARIUS (November 22 – December 21): ADVENTURER

Sagittarius, you're giving Lara Croft or Indiana Jones. Even your Halloween costume needs a passport. Somehow you'll turn a costume party into a trip nobody agreed to.

♑ CAPRICORN (December 22 – January 19): CLASSIC MONSTER

Capricorn, you're going as Dracula or Frankenstein because you appreciate the classics. You're not wasting money on some TikTok trend that'll be irrelevant by November.

♒ AQUARIUS (January 20 – February 18): ALIEN

Aquarius, you're showing up in silver body paint with a backstory nobody asked for. And when somebody asks what you are, you'll say it's a commentary on society. Girl, just say alien.

♓ PISCES (February 19 – March 20): MERMAID

Pisces, you're giving full mermaid fantasy. Glitter, seashells, flowing hair, and absolutely no consideration for how you're supposed to walk in that costume. Reality has never been your thing.