♈ ARIES (March 21 – April 19)
Aries, somebody's about to ask you where their money is, and suddenly you're going to remember that Venmo request you've been ignoring since August. Mercury retrograde is bringing the receipts, babe. Pay your friends back before they start charging interest.
♉ TAURUS (April 20 – May 20)
Taurus, a tiny disagreement with your partner is about to turn into a full-blown investigation about something that happened six months ago. You said you were over it, so why are we bringing up Easter? Either forgive them or admit you're still mad.
♊ GEMINI (May 21 – June 20)
Gemini, your daily routine is about to get a little chaotic. Your alarm won't go off, your coffee order will be wrong, and somehow you'll end up at work with two different shoes on. Maybe stop hitting snooze eight times.
♋ CANCER (June 21 – July 22)
Cancer, somebody you used to date is about to crawl out of the grave just in time for Halloween. They're going to say they've changed, but the only thing different is their profile picture. Don't resurrect a relationship that deserved to stay dead.
♌ LEO (July 23 – August 22)
Leo, things at home are about to get a little tense. Your roommate or partner has been doing something that drives you INSANE, and that one dirty dish might finally send you over the edge. Don't let a fork end your relationship.
♍ VIRGO (August 23 – September 22)
Virgo, DOUBLE-CHECK who you're texting because Mercury retrograde is coming for your communication skills. That screenshot of somebody's embarrassing Halloween costume could end up going directly to THEM. And there's no unsending that humiliation.
♎ LIBRA (September 23 – October 22)
Libra, your birthday season is over, and now it's time to look at the damage. You were swiping your card like you had a trust fund, and those pending charges are finally hitting. The scariest thing you'll see this Halloween is your checking account.
♏ SCORPIO (October 23 – November 21)
Scorpio, it's your season AND Mercury is retrograde in your sign. You're about to feel the urge to send a brutally honest message you've been holding in for months. Write it in your Notes app first, because not everybody needs the director's cut of your feelings.
♐ SAGITTARIUS (November 22 – December 21)
Sagittarius, something you thought you were completely over is about to start bothering you again. Maybe it's an old friendship or that embarrassing thing you did at a party in 2021. It's been FIVE years. Please stop giving yourself the ick.
♑ CAPRICORN (December 22 – January 19)
Capricorn, somebody in your friend group is about to take a joke WAY too personally. You thought everybody was laughing, but apparently somebody's been holding a grudge since brunch. Read the room before you start your next comedy special.
♒ AQUARIUS (January 20 – February 18)
Aquarius, be careful what you say at work because something you meant as a joke could make its way to the WRONG person. That little comment about your boss's Halloween decorations doesn't need to become a meeting with HR. Keep it cute and collect your check.
♓ PISCES (February 19 – March 20)
Pisces, Mercury retrograde is coming for your travel plans. Double-check your flights, hotel reservations, and Halloween party tickets because you're exactly the person who would show up at the airport on the wrong day. Being spontaneous is cute. Being stranded is not.